Leave What's Heavy Behind
We get to leave what's heavy behind us to step forward into brand new beginnings with lightness in our hearts.
Here's how that journey began for me. (Trigger warning for mention of CSA.)
Autumn 2019: I had spent 2 long years practicing self-hypnosis daily to uncover the suppressed childhood trauma at the root of my disabling health battles.
I'd finally pieced it together.
When I was 4 years old, I spent part of my days at a friend's house with her dad. They lived in our neighborhood, just a few minutes walk away. Their house had a similar floor plan as my childhood home, so it felt familiar.
I don't know how many times I went over there, or how long my neighbor had been grooming me for, but very intense sexual abuse occurred in the summer of 1997.
After searching for answers for 15 years, it was such a relief to finally know the truth... although I still wish I had all the details for my own peace of mind and closure's sake, so I could fully understand myself and conclude that chapter of my past...
Finally, in autumn of 2019, I uncovered answers I never thought I'd find.
But it came at a cost.
My PTSD worsened.
Dissociative blackouts intensified.
Reliving the suppressed trauma exploded in full-force.
Coping with existence felt unbearable.
My mind and body were not my own.
Yet I chose healing every day, no matter what it took.
One of my favorite rituals was going on Musical Bike Rides: playing music, riding my bike, and singing as loud as felt comfortable for me based on where I was.
A few weeks after the worst episode of my life, when the last details of CSA came to light, I went on a Musical Bike Ride singing,
"Leave what's heavy behind."
That memory holds such indescribable joy, it will forever bring me to tears!
...Which is saying a lot considering I could not form new autobiographical memories for nearly 5 years, including this time in autumn 2019, due to traumatic brain injuries from relational abuse in 2017.
But the emotion of that Musical Bike Ride moment felt so strong, and the sensations so grounding, that my body remembered... and my brain eventually pieced together enough dots to have THIS MEMORY.
This is your reminder to leave what's heavy behind you so you can write a new chapter from a space of lightness, peace, and inner freedom.
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