Expressing Suicidal Ideations
There is no place for me on the earth, in this society.
I am done trying to find somewhere to call home & beautiful souls to call family.
I am done fighting towards fantasies that shall never come to fruition.
I am done working my ass off only to be more behind than before & drastically behind from everyone around me.
People who swore they’d never leave my side now haven’t spoken to me in years because they moved onto a beautiful life while I have continually remained in this hell hole.
I am done trying to belong to social circles who condemn every authentic aspect of my identity.
I am done allowing my worth to be affected by ability to function.
I am done being disabled & unemployed & broke & homeless & helpless & hungry, especially as it leads to further endless devastation, only compounding my traumas.
I am done being restrained by this insanely fucked up brain & body I’ve been cursed with—an insane, malfunctioning mind & a body that’s in constant physical pains with no remedies.
I am done tolerating such cruel injustices. Hundreds if not thousands of monster in my own personal life the past 15 years, & worldwide cruelty & injustices that are so atrocious we dare not speak of them openly. (Would want to pop your utopian bubble, would you.)
I am done seeking assistance from people & organizations who have turned me away & caused further personal pains & even trauma to enter into my life without an invitation.
I am done suffering from my own fucked up memories that I relieve without warning or control on a DAILY basis.
I am done trusting therapists who have a distorted agenda & who are thoroughly ill-equipped.
I am done fighting alone. Supporters mean well yet help change nothing. I burden us all.
I am done giving 110% to those who do not appreciate nor reciprocate it, which has been everyone as far as the mind can see.
I am done investing in people who don’t reciprocate the above & beyond friendship I provide—who don’t even invest in themselves or express a morsel of appreciation for the endless hours I’ve spent helping them.
I am done allowing family to enter my life when they are clearly not healthy human beings deserving of involvement with my life, my friendship, or any personal details about my life.
I am done wallowing in misery, incapable of experiencing joy due to severe anhedonia.
I’m tired of the world passing me by, laughing merrily with their beautiful lives & no a second glance at my endless suffering.
I am tired of fighting a losing battle without guidance of any kind or even sufficient resources.
I have fought boldly & bravely until the end, but the end must come sometime, & I have total peace it shall be approaching soon.
I bid thee farewell, beautiful souls. I pray your path is filled with far greater fortune than my own.