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Moving Forward from Past People: Declaring My Worth.

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I've never actually heard myself say it before: I deserve better

Perhaps I uttered the words without conviction, so I forgot about it.

Or perhaps I've never truly believed that I deserve better, even if my voice spoke the affirmation with confidence.

Regardless, it is time to explain to myself why we let go of friends & establish firm boundaries to never return to them.

"But I miss them!" I hear a voice cry out in my head.

Another is trying to remember their contact information.

One is remembering the way to their home & plotting to drop by & say Hello.

"We mustn't," I insist, understanding the importance of letting them go, even though I cannot for the life of me remember WHY.

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For SO long, I have invested my personal worth in the quality & quantity of my relationships with other people. The amount of self-love I carried equally matched the value of interactions I experienced, with parents, relatives, best friends, strangers, co-workers, classmates, lovers—anyone & everyone, it seemed.

But they kept leaving. I was always surrounded by dozens if not literally hundreds of people, yet I kept being hurt with nowhere to turn, walls crumbling all around. I kept meeting new people, but they also just kept leaving, abandoning my heart in the cruelest ways they knew how. The clever wittiness of their cruelty held no bounds.

I was taught by my parents to question myself every time it happened, which didn't help. "What did you do to drive them away this time?" my mother's voice still shouts within my mind in response to such situations. It was always my fault, & I never understood why, other than that I was inherently evil (also a belief taught by my parents & their condemning religion).

Along this healing journey of personal growth & self-discovery, I am learning that I am more valuable than I was ever taught or told, more beautiful & stunning & powerful than anyone could have imagined or foreseen.

Surrounded by small minds, I grew up in a world of my own. Standing alone forced me to bear strength enough for this journey. I began to expand into the vast universe, exploring depths of me I was told did not even exist.

I choose to take a stand against injustice & maltreatment.

I choose to declare my worth.

I choose to explain to myself why settling is no longer an option.

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This is a note of self-love. It is a reminder note, for myself & for every beautiful soul struggling like me to let go of past people, those who have easily moved on while we are stuck living in their memory. It is an explanation to myself about why turning back is not in my/our best interest.

  1. You deserve a friend who is reliable & trustworthy. You deserve a friend who will keep their promises—not just when it's convenient, but always. You are worthy of genuine loyalty.

  2. You deserve a friend who appreciates you. You deserve a friend who recognizes the extraordinary depths of your worth, the intense beauty of your soul, the complexities of your mind, & the inevitable blessing of your friendship, loyalty, & love. You deserve a friend who values what you have to offer the world—from the way you love, to the work you do, & everything in between! You are UNIQUE in a magnificent way, & you deserve a friend who will pause once in awhile to marvel at that.

  3. You deserve a friend who wants to know all of you, which includes learning about your dissociative identity: it is not your identity, but it is a part of you worth knowing. Friendship is a partnership, of sorts; some will scoff at how seriously you take it yet will never experience the depth of friendship you will. (In other words, you're awesome, & you'll "win" in the end, so stop doubting your amazing self!)

I know you've been hurt so many times in the past that it seems impossible for such beautiful things to be true, but I assure you, they are indeed true.

Please, take a moment today to love on yourself—if not for you then for me, as a favour to a friend. Your beautiful soul is weary & deserves some rest until a deserving friend is found.

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