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How Mirror Meditations Saved My Life

~ How Mirror Meditations Saved My Life ~

It all began in the summer of 2018, fourteen years after first experiencing the sensation of not connecting with my own reflection in the mirror. When I would look in a mirror, I would be consumed by full-body sensations of TERROR. The anxiety was petrifying, deeply permeating the entirety of my brain-body system. The consequential depressing was all-consuming. I didn't want to be afraid of myself. I didn't want to dread my own existence.

I knew that my desires lay on the other side of fear. I knew that impossible was just a silly word, not the truth of reality. So I began to grow my window of tolerance, peeking into the mirror every day and breathing through the fear for as long as I could tolerate. After a few months of this tedious work, I finally reached a place where I could be present with the terror. Only then would I discover where the terror stemmed from! I sat with the mirror and my own bodily reflection, a person who felt like a total stranger to me. I extended compassionate love towards my inner being, creating unconditional space for the experience. Sustaining co-consciousness with aspects of myself connecting mental mind and visual eyesight, I witnessed something that will baffle me until the end of time. The right half of my face detached and became extended and lowered from my body. I could no longer recognize the right half of my face; it felt like it became someone else entirely. It was not a hallucination. It was not a delusion. It was not psychosis. It was real. It was vivid. It was specific. And it happened again and again and again --- every day for weeks as I showed up for a meditative mirror exercise as part of my trauma recovery. My conscious mind continually witnessed, through my physical eyesight, half of my face leaving my body. It floated in front of me, a tad lower than the rest of my body. A year later, I had progressed through my trauma recovery to such a degree that my face no longer detached from itself. However, I continued experiencing regular moments of being unable to recognize, or cognitively connect with, the right side of my face. I began exploring other ways of meditating with mirrors. This led to many discoveries. The discoveries led to the creation of my Personal Dimensions Meditative Mirror Exercises, a series of mirror exercises designed to heal the brain and its subconscious expanse. Several months into use of these exercises, I am able to recognize myself on a regular basis. I connect with the person I see in the mirror. I feel at home in my own body, an experience I feared I'd never have again. Mirror meditations help guide me home to myself. I use them every day; a day missed is a day where I miss myself. I love connecting with all aspects of myself. I love welcoming home all parts of my miraculous subconscious. I love healing my brain deeply and completely. I am so proud of YesterYearMe who chose bravery despite the fear so that the terror could be confronted with love and allow for healing to be made possible.

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