30 March 2018
Being "Kristin" creates a different/alternate life experience, as does each & every alternate state of consciousness within my dissociative identity.
Kristin is a #wordnerd. I love to study grammar, word definitions/the dictionary, punctuation, sentence structure, & literary art overall (such as my passionate LOVE for alliteration!). I enjoy writing & learning through the process of expelling flowing words.
I appreciate a variety of music (unlike others, lol). My "favourite" ~ what I feel most inclined to listen to & tend to enjoy most in terms of "getting into it" ~ music genre has always been country music. I owned a few Tim McGraw albums growing up.
My favourite colour is blue. All shades. (Bambi loves turquoise/teal. Misty loves pink, Zina loves red, Krystal loves blue like Mom, & Davina loves purple.Monika loves black, & appreciates ombres, like with dark red or purple or green. Ocean loves ocean blue best. Kingsley: gray & black. Most TRPs don't have a favourite colour.)
I am learning to LOVE myself ~ deeply, authentically, wholly, unconditionally. I am learning to appreciate, value, & treasure each of my various parts of consciousness ~ in all their infinitely creative glory.
When/ While in the "Kristin" part of consciousness, my sense of smell is restored. I can feel the details of all pains within my body ~ every knot, bruise, kink, crack: I can remember who I've been, in a generalized sense that feels familiar AND bears accurate details allowing me to connect NowMe with ThenMe. (Example: petting cat Lucy on couch, I realized I was surprised she's still here since she used to run off all the time ~ I think that was like, 10 years ago though! Woah! Like, time doesn't matter because I know it's all ME & that's enough for peace on the subject.)
I can adjust my "mood" & level of conscious energy through conscious intention alone. (AMAZING!) Sitting here nestled on the couch, emersed in the moment, enjoying background music, not working on any one task in particular, not engaged with/in challenging thoughts ~fully giving myself permission to relax. Yet if I sit up & choose to engage in a project, I am actually able to do so, efficiently & effectively! INCREDIBLE! (I normally can't do this AT ALL ~ which is why I build elaborate routines to get one small, simple task done.)
I feel SO DEEPLY, yet I possess the wisdom & contain enough light to not be controlled by those effects.
I have a strangely & dramatically lower marijuana tolerance: one hit & I can barely see straight, LOL. It feels amazing! Smoking is not necessary for me like for other alters.
I maintain a consistently beautiful balance of internal energy: I despise laziness yet I am fully capable of relaxing.
I do not self-harm, but to cope with those potential anxiety triggers as well as the subconscious urge to self-harm, I subconsciously (without awareness) do small things to self-injure, such as chewing on the insides of my cheeks or lips, & scratching scabs off wounds & bug bites.