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Articulating Specifics of Dissociative Experiences: Disconnect Between My Neurophysiological Applica


I feel like my aspects of self are connected—like the serious parts and the playful parts have the ability to communicate and collaborate—like it doesn’t need to be one or the other—like they can both coexist simultaneously in the backdrop of my consciousness where many aspects of self exist and none are restricted because all can be present because our nervous system is finally regulated.

My face hurts from smiling! That is something I have not felt in a long time.

I feel like my mind and body are connected: when my body has an impulse, instead of separating from my mind to act on the impulse, it communicates it and the mind can observe the impulse, and it all happens faster than seconds—nanoseconds, milliseconds, automatic communication.

When the body has impulses, urges, and sensations, they are communicated to the observable mind, and the mind has the ability to be fully in-tune with what’s happening while sustaining access to a conscious self.

Before, when the body would have an urge, impulse, or sensation, the mind would glitch out, and the sensation of the mind would become the urge, impulse, or sensation of the body completely.

The traditional experience of mind disappeared, and the aspect of sensation from the body came up and took the place where the mind would typically exist and be consciously engageable, and that was the experience of mind that was happening during a lot of dissociation—a singular sensation from the body without all the mental cognition.

In my mind now, I know “all the things”: I know who I am; I know where I am; I know the backdrop information that led up to this moment, but I don’t need to revisit it to know that it’s there. Before, there wasn’t a knowing that it was there: I would have to revisit it to know that it was there; and then when I revisited it, I was reliving it, rather than observing it. But now, I can observe it, but I don’t even need to explore it because I know that it’s there!

The body can communicate sensations to the mind in an observable manner. Also, the mind can communicate sensations to the body in an observable manner.

For example, if I am having a thought or a feeling or a sensation that would be in my mind from my conscious experience and then backdropping into the bodily experience because they are connected. Whether they’re communicating effectively or not, they’re still connected; it’s just the experience of the connection that becomes altered in a mind-body disconnect. So, if I’m having an emotional sensation through my mind, then it connects with automatic sensations in my body: I can feel my facial muscles lighting up; I can feel something in my body where an emotional sensation is traveling through this miraculous little vehicle-vessel thing that I live in. It’s all connected.

Before, there would be an emotion, and it was disconnected from my experience of mind AND it was disconnected from my experience of body, so that it existed over here (separate) in its own realm of consciousness without the ability to be totally present with the sensations of the observable mind and have connectivity with that, and also was lacking connection with the body so that what was happening in the body and what was occurring in the emotional sensations had connectivity.

It was all occurring separately. There was this dissociation within my experience where aspects of consciousness operated in their own isolated formats without connection with one another—without the ability to communicate or collaborate; without the ability to know what else was going on.

{Sharing an example of needing to audibly explain from mind to body what we were doing step by step while washing hair yesterday...}

…Because our body and our mind and the sensations in between didn’t know about each other! I’d reach for something, and my body would start to feel this thick anxiety, especially in my gut.

The connectivity between the decision to do this thing and the body doing this thing was also shot because I kept forgetting what the next step was: “Like, OK, I’m reaching for something, now what?! I’m lost again; I have to start over entirely; what was I doing?!?”

AND THIS HAS BEEN MY LIFE FOR YEARS. AND I’VE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO ARTICULATE IT. *Dramatic Shouting Exclamation* *Dramatic Shouting Exclamation* “I repeat:” *Dramatic Shouting Exclamation*

Even now, when I’m speaking… There’s a little bit of disconnect, but it’s not as bad as it normally is… There’s a little bit of disconnect, probably because I’m feeling emotional sensations, to be quite frank, because this is all really wild and I’m connecting so many different aspects of so many different things that I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW EXISTED YESTERDAY! ***Squeal of Joyful Excitement to Release Emotions to Reduce Dissociation***

Right now, there’s a sensation of the mind, and then there’s a sensation of visual eyesight, but my body is disconnected from that. Not as thick and severe as it normally is; not as scary and intense, but it is happening.

Dissociation is definitely on a spectrum. And there’s different types of dissociation and dissociative experiences of consciousness, and each one exists on a spectrum of severity and intensity.

It is time the world knows about what dissociation really is.

My internal sensations of thought, ability to observe emotions, decision of what to say,…{*dissociative shifts; able to come back*}…are connected with the sense of “I” through the mind.

Then the sensation of body… The feeling of the emotions in the body… The feeling of the different aspects of bodily existence… The feeling of physical movement—not the decision to move my body, but the FEELING of moving my body… All belong with separate aspects of consciousness.

Mind-Body-Disconnect.

The part of my brain choosing things, deciding things, is different from the part of my brain moving things. This is the cerebellum-cerebrum theory we have been working on!

This is what we’re experiencing: the consciousness in my cerebrum and the consciousness in my cerebellum operate as separate modalities of personhood. That’s my working theory.

My experience of deciding how to move my face and seeing how I’m moving my face are connected, but the feeling of moving my face is a separate aspect of consciousness from the observable “me” (in the mind).

And then, if it takes it a step further, then the mental cognition of observation and thought and conscious decisions, such as what to say, are the observable mind “me”; and then the body is down here being the one that creates what I desire to say; and then there’s this middle ground of consciousness where my eyesight exists, and my visual processing becomes separate from the observable “I” in the mind and the unconscious sensations of the body.

I feel like this is the conscious awareness, subconscious, and unconscious operating in three separate modalities of consciousness.

Consciousness is its own thing. {(**Looking into camera to connect with aspects of consciousness housing memory, experience, perceptions, etc.**)} That’s why we say “the neurophysiological applications of consciousness” because the brain and the body system are heavily involved in the experience of it, but consciousness itself is a separate entity entirely.

{(**Silly faces to playfully express the sense of amazement.**)}

{(**Quiet exclamation as processing sinks in.**)}

{(**Visual eyesight drifts away from straight-forward focus on camera.**)}

I can tell I’m dissociating… I think because there are either memories and/or emotional sensations being activated unconsciously, which is shifting our conscious experience away from the present moment of full lucidity and towards a dissociative experience of separation from the present moment—objectively, unconditionally, physically, externally, explicitly.

{(**Noticing a pain-like sensation by inner tragus of ear, or muscles in front of ear on hind-sides of face.**)}

{(**Observation is followed by a stretch and a yawn, unconscious clues indicating relaxation within the nervous system as implicit sensations are explicitly described, aiding in the re-connection of brain regions where dissociation had unconsciously activated a disconnect.**)}

Our neurophysiology provides tools for the consciousness to flow through, but consciousness is its own separate entity that happens to have a symbiotic relationship with human neurophysiology.

My body, my eyesight, and my mind are operating in three separate realms of consciousness where the continuity and the operational flow of personhood sensations between these three realms of consciousness are lacking consistent fluidity. That’s it; that’s what’s happening.

And it’s not even necessarily that they belong to a specific inner person; I don’t think consciousness is that quantifiable. But definitely, they’re operating in separate realms of consciousness. Because I’ve experienced it when there’s more intensive separation in the aspects of consciousness—where my front, my back, my right arm and my left arm {(**momentary difficulty connecting left-right body awareness to observable mental cognition**)}, my right leg and my left leg, my eyes, my face, and my mind are ALL in separate aspects of consciousness; there’s no continuity in the flow of communication between ANY of them. They all feel like they’re just separate things that have no relationship with one another, and so its confusing to get them all to work togeth