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Kristin's Emotional Parts of Consciousness.


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Every person with dissociative identity disorder (DID) has multiple states of consciousness called alters.

There are two types of alters: emotional parts (EPs) who carry past pains & traumatic memories, & the apparently normal parts (ANPs) who carry out day to day tasks to function in the physical world.

This video explains:

  • how I am exploring my dark side.

  • the 2 types of alters within a dissociative identity & what their unique purposes are.

  • how to begin identifying & learning about EPs, beginning the meticulous process of self-awareness that will someday allow for better management of the EPs.

  • coping with EPs in the interim.

  • the spectrum of emotions & where EPs & ANPs fall on that scale.

  • how my alters receive their names.

The alters existing within a dissociative identity vary from person to person. Personally, I am still learning about my various unique alters. Thus far, I am aware of at least a dozen, which is tremendous progress considering it's only been four months since my diagnosis.

Here's a brief look into the identities of five different EP's within my system that I have been able to identify & interact with.

Monika: the emo teen.

  1. Given Name & Approximate Age: Monika. Age 14.

  2. Job Within System: responsible for managing pain & anger; helps us cope when things initially start growing dark by disconnecting us from the exhausting obligations of life, usually by binge watching television shows & eating junk food & taking naps; the perfectionist, workaholic, socialite, & emotional parts within us all get a break when she's out.

  3. Dominant Characteristics: quiet introvert; enjoys scary movies & alternative rock music (we call it our "angry music").

Ocean

  1. Given Name & Approximate Age: Ocean. 2 or 3 years-old.

  2. Job Within System: the core alter, meaning the original part of consciousness, so I am guessing she holds the trauma of whatever originally happened to cause a dissociative identity to form, but nothing is known for certain in that regards; a very peaceful state to be in despite the disconnection from reality & the body.

  3. Dominant Characteristics: enjoys watching nature documentaries, especially about the ocean & its critters, & dreams of someday being a real-life mermaid.

Kingsley

  1. Given Name & Approximate Age: Kingsley. No age.

  2. Job Within System: carries a great deal of trauma so that it doesn’t weigh us down like it otherwise would; complete disconnection from emotions; rather than being completely empathic like Kristin, Kingsley is incapable of empathy, protecting her from all emotions threatening sanity; complete disconnection from body, which is why Kingsley uses self-harm to effectively manage the subconscious pains that threaten sanity.

  3. Dominant Characteristics: mute & communicates to other people through ASL & to herself through Izron, a written language she invented in 2007; helps us through the darkest times; strong enough to deal with deeper darkness than the rest of us; "turns off" all empathy allowing us a break from overwhelming emotions

the dark entity: narcissistic abuser

  1. Given Name & Approximate Age: the darkness. No specific age.

  2. Job Within System: abuser & punisher; verbally assaults other parts.

  3. Dominant Characteristics: a complete narcissist; an introject of an abuser, meaning he is based on a real life person who caused us great pain in the past; first appeared as a demon oppressing me, claiming he is king over me & ruler of my mind & of my life.

first fragment

  1. Given Name & Approximate Age: fragment #1. No age.

  2. Job Within System: holds PTSD body sensations, as far as I can tell.

  3. Dominant Characteristics: experiences PTSD episodes in the form of severely intense & terrifyingly awful physical body sensations, which often result in full body tremors that can appear like mild seizures; experiences fainting-type spells where I physically pass out while remaining mentally conscious, collapsing to the floor helplessly without any muscle control to break my fall; feelings of constant terror, never-ending fear, helpless anxiety, mental terror, & emotional torture overwhelm me, causing me to become overwhelmed with helplessness & hopelessness, feeling awful in every way, on all fronts, in every imaginable aspect.

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