So, I have this alternative life that I fantasize about almost on a daily basis.
I dream that I never got sick--that I never had to do endless hours of research on mental illness just to understand myself; that I never had to clean up the bloody mess after cutting myself; that I'd never been to an AA meeting, especially not as a teenager; that I never had to scream & cry into my pillow to manage my anger & sadness on a daily basis growing up.
I dream that I had close friends at my high school. I dream that I finished college in four years with my BA degree. I dream that my writing was teen fiction, especially mystery & romance, rather than nonfiction about my illness. I dream that I had one stable home during college, rather than my 30 moves in 5 years.
I fantasize about a "normal" life, rather than one filled with depression & flashbacks & insomnia & medications & doctors. I fantasize about stability, in all aspects of life.