Depression isn't about feeling different feelings; rather, it's an experience that lacks feelings, such as joy, peace, contentment, & genuine laughter.
It's losing the desire to be around people & be social. It's withdrawing from loved ones.
It's losing the desire to do activities I once LOVED & found great joy & delight in doing. It's forgetting what joy feels like--genuinely not knowing what it could possibly feel like to be even the slightest bit happy. It's feeling extremely restless because nothing holds my attention because nothing's enjoyable anymore. It's being so apathetic that literally nothing seems to matter. It's a lack of concentration & focus.
It's hard to have hope during deep depression because hopelessness is the only feeling I can remember. I can't remember what it's like to genuinely laugh or smile or take a deep breath and fall in love with life.
It's forgetting what it feels like to care whether I live or die because life feels like death.
It's sleeping too much or too little because sleep isn't restful; it's merely an escape from the nightmare of being conscious. It's the same with food: I eat too much or too little because food isn't nutrients to sustain me; it's my way of coping with feelings that feel unbearable.
It's feeling so exhausted & fatigued that I move in slow motion.
It's having random crying spells because my emotions are overwhelming & unmanageable. It's being agitated & irritable to the point of the smallest things causing tears or angry outbursts.
It's feeling worthless & ashamed. It's when I don't feel like I'm worth it, like life's worth it. It's having my dark side emerge & pessimism creep in.
It's having slouched posture because depression dominates so hard that I don't even have the confidence to sit or stand up straight. It's having chronic back aches & headaches.
It's having persistently anxious thoughts & driving myself crazy rehashing life details over & over again. It's constantly feeling empty.
Depression consists of a lack of feelings: lack of motivation; lack of peace, joy, & happiness; lack of good self-esteem; lack of feeling in control of emotions. It's a miserable, draining, life-altering experience that should not be underestimated or taken lightly.