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High of Cocaine

Back Floating Through Life

Nothing exists beyond this moment. I am infinite.

I slightly bounce & wobble as I remain between the pool’s floor & fresh air. Gravity’s power is subdued; I need only to roll my ankles & lightly kick my feet to resurface & swallow night’s chilly grin.

I hear no sounds beyond the ones I make. I control the atmosphere. I begin to fly, arms hugging the water with careless bliss. Silence shatters insanity as churning water vibrates my eardrums. Bubbles gurgle then swiftly spin upwards & tickle my back. I create sound, & I have the power to cease all sound.

I am limitless. There are no walls to restrict my possibilities, no roof to shelter the endless glories of the universe, no concrete flooring to shatter my fall as I experiment with my potential, no boring boundaries to dictate my next move.

The light motion of the water moves me. Silence is beautiful, as is confidence. I am sure that no sound may alter the direction of my being, no outside opinion can dictate my movement.

Alone, the water is my home, & I am infinite, able to wander endlessly.

Crystal Wonder

A beautiful white line of sparkling powder lays before me. A rolled up dollar bill is passed to me with my friends grinning, nodding excitedly. Leaning over the workbench in a cold garage, I lift the bill to my nose & inhale the crystal wonder.

A rush whirls into my reality. My eyes open with a new sense of life. The black & white world of mundane obligations vanishes & is replaced with a colourful utopia where all things are possible. I sprout wings & develop overwhelming confidence.

My mind races with sheer brilliance. A sense of deja vu suddenly slides across my thoughts. Though the substance-induced experience is new, this feeling is excruciatingly familiar… When have I felt this way before?

The racing thoughts overwhelm all sanity in the most wondrous fashion possible. Rather than absorbing one piece of information at a time, I take in every corner of life at once, the multitude of concepts overwhelming my mind as if in an echo-y room. The trains of thought hold more rabbit trails than I could bear to count. It’s a never-ending tidal wave of ideas, some unrecognizable as a multitude of other concepts wash over them. Ideas flash through the wonders of my mind like shooting stars, brilliant but brief.

Boredom usually triggers journeys down the rabbit hole. I fixate on my surroundings, absorbing the colours & shapes & sounds. I begin to blend in with my environment: immovable feet as roots, the sun’s strikingly gorgeous rays illuminating my stunning features—a flower for a face, my outstretched fingers the jittery leaves & petals & seeds that dance across the land, promoting prosperity. As the atmosphere consumes me, I drift into another dimension—a parallel universe. I fade into the abyss of endless, unidentifiable thought. It captivates me, captures me. Held against my will, I meander down that rabbit hole… & it becomes a maze. Lost in the labyrinth of my own consciousness, I swivel my head around to survey the land before proceeding with each step. I often loop in circles unintentionally, orbiting around thoughts I cannot clearly label, questions I cannot fully answer, & ideas I cannot distinctly identify.

I begin sweating, excitement building with my racing heartbeat. Reality reels into thrilling overdrive. I carelessly rush through responsibilities, certain that mistakes are impossible, or at least irrelevant. My mind races so rapidly that I fail to focus on a singular idea. Distractibility gushes from my actions as I frolic around on the playground of life. I scratch at my knuckles until they bleed & shake my legs restlessly if ever sitting. At times, I grow irrationally irritable, frustrated at every thought the earth birthed & blew into the ignorant air of society.

Wit & charm follow me as I venture into the territory over confidence. I brainstorm & develop a dozen writing project ideas, though I never take the ideas further than that initial light bulb spark. My mind races with sheer brilliance. Time pauses; I glance around at the frozen figures, so silently peaceful for the first time I’ve ever scene.

A sense of deja vu once again strikes: I’ve felt this wondrous sensation & glorious euphoria before, but it definitely was not from this drug.