Slam Poetry: Dark Shadows

Dark Shadows

Can you see the insides of my darkened mind,

so left behind

stuck in an evolution of insanity

where compassion in humanity

is lacking where it’s most needed,

resigned where it should’ve been seated.

We cover our sorrows with medication & faked smiles.

Clock ticking for awhile,

sucks you in, spits you back out;

Will you ever see what true darkness is all about?

This dark shadow never leaves me alone.

I wish I lived in your pretty little snow globe, all wrapped up in white & feathered in sunshine.

But that life’s not mine.

No, mine is built of blackened walls, blood dripping from my body,

sorrow aching in my bones, guilt & shame haunting the sharp edges of my thoughts…

Forget me nots.

I think of distant lands

to pretend that this man’s hands

aren’t creeping up without my consent

though he acts as if he’s heaven sent

with this purpose of destruction that he views as pure pleasure

I glance away, trying hard not to continue to measure

the number of times he thrusts his will against mine

Thoughts race, anger steeping so deep in my mind

Red numbers flashing a sick reminder of time

Fade into the background as I sink into the night

My insides swell as I lay there in horror & fright

This beast of a party host

forever my ghost

haunting the shadows of my thoughts

anxiety twisting my stomach in knots

I can’t see beyond this dark life, never-ending dark night

This distorted reality impairs my sight.

This dark shadows never leaves me alone.

Even on my warmest days

basking in the sunshine’s rays

malice far out of sight & mind

gratefully leaving yesterday behind

I suddenly feel the anxiety swell

as my mind begins to churn & dwell

on the possible darkness still lurking within

I feel as though I deserve it, I sinned

I went wrong somewhere, slipped up, I fell prey

to the creatures of hell & their scandalous way

of terrorizing souls & captivating all with fear

Though current happiness exists, they always feel near

Skulking in the shadows of my thoughts

Causing great insanity, spirit now so distraught

that my thinking is hindered; now… I’m… insane…

unable to control… or even know my own brain.

This dark shadows never leaves me alone.

Some will tease because I’m less functional than they,

Others will express compassion & promise to pray,

But the worst is when I’m told that it’s within my power

to cease the darkness plaguing me every damn hour.

Unless you experience the terror of a mind self-destructing

you’ll never understand the death my own mind is constructing

so people misunderstand & fail to provide

a supportive friendship where I can go hide

away from the voices that haunt every thought

& finally find the peace I’ve so fervently sought.

Average disappointments seem like simple, blissful glee

because the devastation I have known causes a harsh degree

of burns within my mind & heart that enrapture me

& restrict all possibility of potential & being free.

Some call it paranoia; I call it a reality check

because there’s always a couple jokers in every damn deck

& I always get destroyed before I recognize they’re there

& then I’m swept away in their demolition, & no one seems to care.

This dark shadows never leaves me alone.

Horrors flash before my eyes though no one else can see

a vision of hell & demons hissing & Satan talking to me

informing me of inevitable doom & all life’s worthlessness

I stand in terror & sweat profusely, drowning in distress

Mind a mess

The flames lick at my heels as I attempt to run

but unable to move I drown in the sun

forever burning, lit aflame for eternity, fire seeping in & out of my soul

I crave an escape, a salvation, a hope, a magical piece to make my brokenness whole

Trapped in a glass jar of the gods

I am empty, hopeless against these odds

Harsh feelings, negative notions

swirl around like evil potions

that poison my being, the essence of my identity within

once again, I feel I deserve it because of some forgotten sin

This dark shadows never leaves me alone.

I don’t want to condone

your heartless comments while I’m drowning in sorrow

dreading existence & facing tomorrow

Lost in a dimension of disturbed sight & sound

I feel forgotten, lost, buried underground

My mind is working against itself & I feel so alone

Because this dark shadow never does leave me